Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
