1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
