Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am available for nakedness
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
