Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
