There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
