Porn is love you can see.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
