He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
