Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
