someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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