saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have tasted many bathrooms
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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