Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
