I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
