Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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