i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
