my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
