Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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