I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I pour the whiskey from now on
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
