Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
