Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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