I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
