My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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