Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
