"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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