It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
