so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
