Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
