does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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