im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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