I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
