Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
