I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
