I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
