You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
