Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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