We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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