Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
