He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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