You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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