I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
