nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
