Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
