go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
