Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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