worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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