The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
