i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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