they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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