dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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