Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
