I got chris browned last night
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
