You're my little dorito
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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