Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I AM VODKA MAN
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
